Soccer Tees, Pluto, and Harris Tottle

There is a fascinating book available titled “”Non Campus Mentis” which is a collection of excerpts and quotes from the various tests and papers of students.  It is always fascinating to look at history through the eyes of the students which is what the author has done and when you read what he has gleaned you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  The teacher’s present the materials but then something seems to be lost in the translation from mouth to ear because the students don’t seem to hear precisely what is being said or hear it and then don’t have a clue as to what it means, how to spell it, or even how it applies to anything.  So here is a summary of World History which I have compiled based on the responses taken from this treasure trove of school tests and papers[1].  The spellings have been left intact and I leave it to your discerning eye to distinguish between what is written by me and by the students and for this reason I have elected to not use distinguishing quotation marks.

Let us begin with ancient Egypt which has always been a challenge because counter to all logic on a map the Nile runs up (North) rather than down which has always caused consternation for the observer who views Egypt on a map, because as we all know,  there was Upper Egypt and Lower Egypt.   Lower Egypt is actually farther up than Upper Egypt which was – of course – lower down than the upper part.  This is why we learn geography as a factor in history.  Egypt was certainly an interesting and powerful civilization.  The rulers of Egypt were entitled as Faroes with one of the most famous being King Toot.  Of course one of the most famous things in Egypt is the pyramids.  The pyramids were large square triangles built in the desert.  O’Cyrus was a god who lived in a piramid and would give you the afterlife if your sole was on straight.  The Egyptian upper class was able to live posthumously through the arts and facts buried with them. 

And this brings us to that other great civilization – the Sumerian also known as the Mesopotamian which existed in a valley near the Eucaliptus river where flooding was erotic.  Babylon was similar to Egypt because of their differences they had apart from each other.  Egypt for example only had Egyptians but Babylon had Summarians, Acadians, and Canadians, to just name a few.  The Babylonians honored their gods by building pyramids in the shape of zeplins.  Mesopotamia was dominated at various times by the Medes, Persians, and Assyrians.  The Assyrian program of exterminating various ethnic groups failed to promote cultural diversity.  And so closes our tour through the truly ancient cultures and brings us to the Mediterranean and the Classical Age.

Athens, Sparta, and Pluto were Greek city states.  Some were Oglearchies but Athens was a democracy resulting from the reforms of Colon and Percales.  Sparta demanded loyalty, military service, and obscurity from its citizens.  King Xerox of Persia invaded Greace but fell off short at the Battle of Thermosalami.  Religion was polyphonic and featured such gods as Herod, Mars, and Juice.  Thucydides was a noted historian who collected facts objectively and saw himself as responsible only to Clio, the Greek Mouse of History.  Eventually the Greeks were conquered by Phillip of Mastodon who was later killed in a family sprawl.  He was succeeded by Alexander the Great who conquered Persia, Egypt, and Japan.  Sadly he died with no hairs.

The Greeks were important and laid the foundation for western civilization.  They were important at culture and science.  The scientific method came into use when the Greeks learned never to take things for granite when solving a problem.  The Atomists discovered E=MC^2 and other mathematical things.  U Clid proved that there is more than one side to every plane and Pythagasaurus fathered the triangle, while Archimedes made the first steamboat and power drill.  But perhaps the greatest gifts of the Greeks were in the form of philosophy.  The pre-Socratics lived long before Plato and were not decisively influenced by his work.  Perhaps the greatest philosopher was Socrates who was accused of Sophomorism and sentenced to die of hemroyds.  His student Plato invented reality and was teacher to Harris Tottle, author of the Republicans.  Other philosophies included the Epicureans for them lust was a must.  Others were the Vegetarians and the Synthetics who said “if you can’t play with it, why bother”. 

The Greeks were eventually replaced by the great Roman Empire which was founded sometime by Uncle Remus and Wolf.  The Roman upperclassmen demanded to be known as Patricia.  Senators wore purple tubas as a sign of respect.  Around the 120’s B.C the Gretzky brothers failed to stop these and other injustices.  But the Republic carried on and struggled with the other great Mediterranean power – Carthage. Hannabelle crossed the Alps with a herd of eliphants and thus invaded Africa.  After they defeated Carthage the Romans brutaly salted the people and razored the city.  Scipio was called “Africanus” because he served in Spain.  The Republic prospered but eventually it came to be dominated by Julius Caesar who was famous for inspiring his men by saying “I came I saw I went”.  Caesar was assassinated on the Yikes of March and is reported to have said “Me Too Brutus”. 

Following the assassination of Caesar Rome was subjected to many turnoilic events, oncluding Anthony’s elusive affair with Cleopatra.  The shrewd Octavian grabbed hold of the Empire and he kept the people happy by giving them breaded circuses.  Augustus (aka Octagenarian) founded the Roman Catholic Empire and punished those involved in sibilancy and adultery.  The symbol of his authority was the Cross.  He put it everywhere.  Augustus did have to leave the Empire due to his death. 

There are many theories about the fall of the Roman Empire and many were totally not possible and some of them were.  This included more than enough religion, too much slavery, not enough water, and smoking from lead pipes.  Then the Empire was swept with a tidal wave of Goths, Hungs, Zulu’s and others who impacted Rome.  Athena the Hun rampaged the Balkans as far as France, where he plumaged and tortured people of the villages he captured. Thus ended the Roman Empire and Western Civilization entered the Dark Ages where it was mostly dark.

Certainly history is a lot more interesting when you have it explained through the eyes of the students.  Soccer Tees, Pluto, and Harris Tottle – I salute you.

---

[1] Henriksson, Non Campus Mentis, Workman Publishing, New York

Hatshepsut and Thutmosis III

History is fascinating for so many reasons, but perhaps one of the most interesting one is how the facts are interpreted. In fact, history is littered with facts but most of these are really not connected anywhere or if they are the connections are really nothing more than assumptions. It is as if history is a giant jigsaw puzzle whose pieces are mostly there but how they fit together isn’t always clear. One of these puzzles is the story of Thutmosis I, his son Thutmosis II, his daughter Hatshepsut, and his grandson Thutmosis III. As if the relationships of these were not enough there is the Grand Vizier (?) Senemut, who was certainly influential but what his actual role was remains rather vague. Various historians have interpreted the facts in various ways, but no one really knows for sure who did what to whom or why, but first the facts.

The sons of Thutmosis I all died in their youth leaving only his daughter as the true heir to the throne. He did have another son by a secondary wife. This half brother to Hatshepsut married her and they had a daughter -- Neferure. The age of Thutmosis II at his accession is not known but it is believed that he was younger than Hatshepsut. The actual duration of his reign is in debate but newer evidence suggests a 3 to 4 year reign rather than the 13 year reign previously believed. Whatever the duration of his reign was, it was uneventful and the few campaigns in Nubia were conducted by his generals and not by Thutmosis himself.

Hatshepsut did marry her half brother but considered herself the actual heir to her father Thutmosis I and not his illegitimate son Thutmosis II. Thutmosis II did father a child by a lesser wife but precisely when this child was born is unclear but he did reign as Pharaoh for 54 years so clearly he was very young when his father died and he succeeded to the throne. He was 30 years old when he became sole Pharaoh and Hatshepsut reigned for 22 years so Thutmosis III was probably around 8 when he was crowned. His step-mother Hatshepsut ruled with him as co-regent for a short period and then had herself crowned Pharaoh. Sometime after his accession as sole ruler efforts were made to obliterate references to Hatshepsut. These are the basic facts but the controversy rages around how to interpret them and based on my readings of various interpretations, this is what I think actually happened.

Senemut was a commoner and very influential with Hatshepsut, but given her attitude about the royal bloodline it is very unlikely that he was a lover or anything other than a favored advisor. While Senemut was very influential he suddenly drops out of the picture and disappears, but he falls from favor after visiting Thutmosis III, so the probability is that he said something that offended Thutmosis III – perhaps advocating the overthrow of his step mother. Whatever happened between them is unknown but it was shortly after this visit to Thutmosis in Upper Egypt that he vanishes.

Then we have Thutmosis II, the husband of Hatshepsut, whose reign – long or short – was not very noteworthy. His campaigns were generally conducted by his generals and he was only present on rare occasions. From what we do know, Hatshepsut considered herself the rightful heir and her husband as little more than an annoyance, but it seems quite logical that she was the real power. Furthermore, it is known that Thutmosis II suffered from some severe skin ailment that left him badly scarred. Plus his mummy indicates that he was not in robust health so this is another reason to suspect that Thutmosis II was not very active as Pharaoh and may have been little more that a figure head.

Of course the real mystery is what was the relationship between Hatshepsut and her step son or put another way, how did a man as strong as Thutmosis III allow his step-mother to reign as Pharaoh once he reached maturity. Of course no one knows the real answer but it is known that Hatshepsut raised Thutmosis as her own son and so she undoubtedly had an emotional connection prior to the death of her husband. Given that Hatshepsut was the mother to Thutmosis III then based on what we know of people in general, the boy undoubtedly had a strong emotional tie to his mother – the Queen. If Thutmosis III was crowned at the age of nine and his mother acted as co-regent for two years, then it seems rather obvious that that was a clumsy arrangement. The logical solution was to assume total control as Pharaoh, but it should be noted that Thutmosis III was not deposed, disgraced, or exiled, he simply disappears for a time. During the reign of his mother Thutmosis was being trained as a soldier and he took part in various raids and skirmishes in Nubia. By the time he reached maturity Egypt he was a trained soldier living with his troops. His relationship with his step mother was clearly a solid one and Egypt prospered under her guidance. It seems obvious that as a crowned Pharaoh, in command of a formidable army, he could have seized power from his step mother at any time, but did not. The logical conclusion is that he was satisfied with the way things were. He liked being a soldier and he did not want to be burdened with the administration of the country.

Then the question becomes, why did he attempt to eradicate all references to his mother once he became Pharaoh? Well the fact is that not all references to Hatshepsut were erased and that his efforts to eradicate these references occurred later and was at best half hearted. The logical conclusion seems to be that these were driven by political necessity. He needed to make sure that all of the victories and positive events were attributed to him, because he did claim the 22 years of his mother’s reign as his own, so the high points of her regency would have to have been revised so history would recognize these as his.

Whatever, the real facts are, it seems clear that the relationship between Hatshepsut and Thutmosis III was a positive one that reflected their relationship as mother and son. Furthermore, he reigned for 54 years which included the 22 years he was co-ruler with his mother. Had their relationship been anything but positive one of them would have disposed of the other, instead they ruled in harmony until her death.