Soccer Tees, Pluto, and Harris Tottle

There is a fascinating book available titled “”Non Campus Mentis” which is a collection of excerpts and quotes from the various tests and papers of students.  It is always fascinating to look at history through the eyes of the students which is what the author has done and when you read what he has gleaned you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.  The teacher’s present the materials but then something seems to be lost in the translation from mouth to ear because the students don’t seem to hear precisely what is being said or hear it and then don’t have a clue as to what it means, how to spell it, or even how it applies to anything.  So here is a summary of World History which I have compiled based on the responses taken from this treasure trove of school tests and papers[1].  The spellings have been left intact and I leave it to your discerning eye to distinguish between what is written by me and by the students and for this reason I have elected to not use distinguishing quotation marks.

Let us begin with ancient Egypt which has always been a challenge because counter to all logic on a map the Nile runs up (North) rather than down which has always caused consternation for the observer who views Egypt on a map, because as we all know,  there was Upper Egypt and Lower Egypt.   Lower Egypt is actually farther up than Upper Egypt which was – of course – lower down than the upper part.  This is why we learn geography as a factor in history.  Egypt was certainly an interesting and powerful civilization.  The rulers of Egypt were entitled as Faroes with one of the most famous being King Toot.  Of course one of the most famous things in Egypt is the pyramids.  The pyramids were large square triangles built in the desert.  O’Cyrus was a god who lived in a piramid and would give you the afterlife if your sole was on straight.  The Egyptian upper class was able to live posthumously through the arts and facts buried with them. 

And this brings us to that other great civilization – the Sumerian also known as the Mesopotamian which existed in a valley near the Eucaliptus river where flooding was erotic.  Babylon was similar to Egypt because of their differences they had apart from each other.  Egypt for example only had Egyptians but Babylon had Summarians, Acadians, and Canadians, to just name a few.  The Babylonians honored their gods by building pyramids in the shape of zeplins.  Mesopotamia was dominated at various times by the Medes, Persians, and Assyrians.  The Assyrian program of exterminating various ethnic groups failed to promote cultural diversity.  And so closes our tour through the truly ancient cultures and brings us to the Mediterranean and the Classical Age.

Athens, Sparta, and Pluto were Greek city states.  Some were Oglearchies but Athens was a democracy resulting from the reforms of Colon and Percales.  Sparta demanded loyalty, military service, and obscurity from its citizens.  King Xerox of Persia invaded Greace but fell off short at the Battle of Thermosalami.  Religion was polyphonic and featured such gods as Herod, Mars, and Juice.  Thucydides was a noted historian who collected facts objectively and saw himself as responsible only to Clio, the Greek Mouse of History.  Eventually the Greeks were conquered by Phillip of Mastodon who was later killed in a family sprawl.  He was succeeded by Alexander the Great who conquered Persia, Egypt, and Japan.  Sadly he died with no hairs.

The Greeks were important and laid the foundation for western civilization.  They were important at culture and science.  The scientific method came into use when the Greeks learned never to take things for granite when solving a problem.  The Atomists discovered E=MC^2 and other mathematical things.  U Clid proved that there is more than one side to every plane and Pythagasaurus fathered the triangle, while Archimedes made the first steamboat and power drill.  But perhaps the greatest gifts of the Greeks were in the form of philosophy.  The pre-Socratics lived long before Plato and were not decisively influenced by his work.  Perhaps the greatest philosopher was Socrates who was accused of Sophomorism and sentenced to die of hemroyds.  His student Plato invented reality and was teacher to Harris Tottle, author of the Republicans.  Other philosophies included the Epicureans for them lust was a must.  Others were the Vegetarians and the Synthetics who said “if you can’t play with it, why bother”. 

The Greeks were eventually replaced by the great Roman Empire which was founded sometime by Uncle Remus and Wolf.  The Roman upperclassmen demanded to be known as Patricia.  Senators wore purple tubas as a sign of respect.  Around the 120’s B.C the Gretzky brothers failed to stop these and other injustices.  But the Republic carried on and struggled with the other great Mediterranean power – Carthage. Hannabelle crossed the Alps with a herd of eliphants and thus invaded Africa.  After they defeated Carthage the Romans brutaly salted the people and razored the city.  Scipio was called “Africanus” because he served in Spain.  The Republic prospered but eventually it came to be dominated by Julius Caesar who was famous for inspiring his men by saying “I came I saw I went”.  Caesar was assassinated on the Yikes of March and is reported to have said “Me Too Brutus”. 

Following the assassination of Caesar Rome was subjected to many turnoilic events, oncluding Anthony’s elusive affair with Cleopatra.  The shrewd Octavian grabbed hold of the Empire and he kept the people happy by giving them breaded circuses.  Augustus (aka Octagenarian) founded the Roman Catholic Empire and punished those involved in sibilancy and adultery.  The symbol of his authority was the Cross.  He put it everywhere.  Augustus did have to leave the Empire due to his death. 

There are many theories about the fall of the Roman Empire and many were totally not possible and some of them were.  This included more than enough religion, too much slavery, not enough water, and smoking from lead pipes.  Then the Empire was swept with a tidal wave of Goths, Hungs, Zulu’s and others who impacted Rome.  Athena the Hun rampaged the Balkans as far as France, where he plumaged and tortured people of the villages he captured. Thus ended the Roman Empire and Western Civilization entered the Dark Ages where it was mostly dark.

Certainly history is a lot more interesting when you have it explained through the eyes of the students.  Soccer Tees, Pluto, and Harris Tottle – I salute you.

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[1] Henriksson, Non Campus Mentis, Workman Publishing, New York

AHHH The French

The French just can’t seem to accept that they must actually work for a living and compete in the marketplace just like everyone else. Even more ironic is that Germany started its failed march to European dominance with the Franco-Prussian War and two world wars, but is now poised to achieve that goal without a shot being fired. The Germans live the good life (for European standards) by working hard and living within their means. Alas the French live the good life but seem to expect that the government should pay for it. The people think a 40 hour work week is exploitation and a 32 hour work week is as much as any employer should expect. Of course the problem with socialism is that eventually it cannot be sustained. The proof of this is being played out across Europe as the economies of Spain, Portugal, Ireland, and Italy teeter on edge of financial collapse. The economy of Greece has already imploded and threatens the Euro itself.

Now the French who view themselves as the dominant force in Europe are finding that not only are they not the dominant country, but that it is Germany calling the tune. Faced with the prospect of actually having to give up some of their benefits and actually work a 34 hour work week, they threw out President Sarkozy and elected inexperienced Hollande. Unfortunately Hollande had no real experience, had no real plan, never took Economics 101, but was sure his Gallic Charm would enable him to win over Germany, the tax payers in both Germany and France, without actually having to make any financial sacrifices. Alas his socialist economics seems to have failed him. The reality is that money will gravitate to the highest return and flee extortionate taxes.

Hollande felt that what was needed was higher taxes and that the rich should pay their fair share, a typical socialist position. In his view the fair share of the rich was 75% of their income, after all the rich should be forced to share their wealth with the workers. Not unexpectedly the rich simply moved their wealth out of the country. Renault moved 70% of their manufacturing to low wage Trukey and ArcelorMitta the French steel manufacturer shut down two furnaces in preparation of shutting the plants. The government’s response to this is to introduce a law forcing manufacturers to sell their idle facilities at a price established by the courts. Apparently the socialists seem to think that any sharp entrepreneur would jump at the chance to buy these facilities just to keep the workers employed.

Hollande was elected on the basis that he would preserve “the social model” while engineering an economic recovery. Neither Hollande nor the socialist electorate realized these are conflicting goals, especially in light of the high level of protection the French worker has. Nevertheless French unemployment is at a 13 year high with more layoffs coming. It is very difficult for an employer in France to layoff employees and it is very expensive due to the required severance costs. Consequently, when employers actually layoff people they are very reluctant to rehire and the tendency is to move those jobs overseas where it is cheaper and the rules more flexible. This means that reducing high unemployment is very difficult and takes a long time.

The Euro is in real danger and unless Hollande can get control of the French economy it may be unsustainable unless the Germans are willing to step up and bail him out. However, the Germans are tired of subsidizing the life of the rich and famous enjoyed by so many countries in Europe. Plus the Germans are also feeling the impact of the slowing world economy and may not be able to continue supporting these failing Club Med European economies. The stark reality is that socialism cannot work unless there are enough tax revenues to sustain the government programs. In a slowing economy the government must react in a business like fashion and reduce expenses which means cutting programs. When the people are accustomed to lavish government handouts this becomes almost impossible so it is now up to Hollande to show us how this is done.

France, The Euro and Beyond

I have been fascinated by the impact of some of the recent events which have rocked the world economy. Of course the first is the reaction by the Greeks to their failed socialist economy which can only be described as denial. The denial being that socialism is a viable governmental form when the costs outstrip the revenues. Their solution is to blame the Germans, blame capitalism, blame the banks, blame anyone and everyone except that person they see in the mirror. So they threw out the government and their austerity program and are now happily returning to their old ways without any idea whatsoever of how to pay for anything. Like all socialists they seem to believe that the “government” will pay for everything by taxing the rich. Of course all of the rich in Greece left a long time ago and when they joined the Euro-zone they gave up their control of their currency, this was a small point which they ignored in their haste to expand their Club Med life style. Now we see the same plan developing in France – that is a total denial that socialism doesn’t work. The French refuse to sacrifice anything to austerity. They feel they are being exploited by being expected to work more than a 35 hour work week and to retire at 62 rather than 60. They know that capitalism is evil and socialism guarantees that the government will always be there for them. Of course they are a little vague regarding where the government gets the money to pay for their benefits other than from the “rich” meaning companies because any individual with any substantial income has already moved his assets out of the country. Furthermore, the socialist government has made it so difficult to lay anyone off that no business will hire new employees. Instead any new jobs are being sent offshore where it is easier to control the staffing. The current thinking in France is that socialism provides for everyone assuring everyone an equitable share of the wealth. Anyone who doesn’t grasp the benefits of socialism must be selfish and greedy, and this brings us to the Euro. Money is an abstraction whose only value is what we collectively give it and the ability of the issuing government to ensure that value, so the dollar, the pound, the yen, and other currencies are monetary instruments guaranteed by their governments but not so the Euro. The Euro is an artificial currency with no specific government guaranteeing it and no specific European government can print new Euros – hence the problems in Greece, Italy, Portugal, and throughout most of the Euro-zone to a greater or lesser extent. The Euro Zone is dominated by socialist governments whose consistent policies have been oriented toward maximum employment with the least amount of work and the most generous benefits. However, the party is ending because none of the Euro-zone countries can sustain these benefits based on their revenues which mean they must be reduced. These austerity programs are not popular but if they are not implemented the Euro-zone can collapse France is the most recent country to refuse to accept these austerity driven reductions in benefits. France was one of the driving forces behind the creation of the Euro-zone thinking that they would be the dominant force. This turned out to be a gross miscalculation because their socialist policies focus on employment and not on productivity. . The unintended result ironically has been higher unemployment as companies refuse to hire new people unless forced to. The wages are inflated relative to the output so these companies look overseas for growth which results in a double strike at home—higher unemployment means less tax revenue and higher unemployment costs. The government expands as new government jobs are created and with these jobs comes greater bureaucracy and with that bureaucracy comes lower productivity and an incentive for employers and investors to move overseas. Today the Greeks are voting to decide whether to continue their Club Med economy or to adopt some measures that would keep them in the Euro-zone. Either way the party has ended because the piper must be paid. A return to the Drachma will certainly cause rampant inflation which will create serious problems but staying with the Euro will force serious austerity measures which will effectively demonstrate that socialism cannot be sustained over the long term. Will the French get the message? Will the socialists in Europe get the message? Only time will tell.

Greece & The Euro-Zone

The French drove the campaign for the Euro thinking that with a unified Europe the incessant wars that have characterized Europe for a thousand years would stop and France would once again be the dominant force in Europe and Germany would be contained. Alas the Euro-Zone had fatal flaws from the outset and instead of France becoming the dominant force in Europe it has turned out to be the Germans. Now the Euro-Zone must dance to the German tune because it is Germany who has the money necessary to keep the Euro from collapsing and it is this power that is being displayed in the Greek Debt crisis now rocking the Euro-Zone. But Greece is just the tip of the socialist iceberg that is threatening Western Europe. Eastern Europe isn’t affected because they learned their lesson about Socialism and Communism from the USSR, a lesson Western Europe did not heed, so a review of Greek Socialism seems to be in order.

Greek Underground
For the 2004 Olympics it was necessary to install a modern transportation system in order to avoid the mass traffic jams that characterize Athens. The cost of this system was roughly $2.4M of which the Greeks paid very little with the bulk of the money coming from the Euro-Zone. One would think that the revenues from this system would eventually pay off the debt, but that is an outmoded capitalist concept. In Socialist Greece they have the “honor” system where they installed “honesty machines” where the passengers are urged to pay for their passage. Apparently the Greeks are not very honest because virtually no one pays so not only is the new underground not paying off the debt it isn’t even covering the maintenance costs – so the underground is totally supported by the government and the government is supported by tax revenues. In a capitalist country the government would simply raise taxes to cover the cost but Greece is a socialist paradise where taxes are more of a nuisance than a reality.

Greek Railroad
If the Greek Underground is a disgrace the Greek rail system is even worse and typical of how socialism operates. The average salary for railroad employees is an incredible $90,000 which includes cleaners and track workers. This is a salary treble the average private sector salary. The wages – just the wages – for the Greek railroad system is $750M but the annual ticket sales is only $120M. In a capitalist society this would call for immediate action but not in socialist Greece where the government is focused on employment and not profit.

Greek Tax Policies
While the Greeks aren’t paying for their underground tickets they aren’t paying their taxes either or at least no where near the amount of taxes they should be paying. In fact only 5000 people out 12 million admit to earning over $100,000 a year where studies have shown that more than 60,000 people have investments over $1.5 M and this doesn’t include money in overseas banks. How is this possible? Very easy since the individual taxpayer is allowed to state their own earnings for tax purposes and these are rarely challenged. Consequently many Greeks state their taxable income to be below taxable threshold of $15,000 even they own vacation homes, boats, and other luxury items. To call the Greek system corrupt is just accepted and is so accepted that there is a semi- official rate for bribes for passing false tax returns and each Greek family is estimated to spend an estimated $2500 per year in bribes. If this isn’t bad enough the Greek shipping magnates – some of the wealthiest people in the country are tax exempt because of the benefits they bring to the country even though the Greek shipyards are virtually idle employing about 500 people.

Greek Pensions
Naturally in a socialist country pensions are very dear to the people who expect the government to take care of them even if they don’t pay taxes or work very hard to earn the pensions. In Greece the retirement age is 50 with a pension of 95% of their last year’s earnings and this includes pastry chefs, radio announcers, hairdressers, and masseurs whose work is classified as “arduous and perilous” to justify the 95%.

Greek Schools
Once Greece was allowed into the Euro-Zone money began to flow into the country and into public life making life better for all Greeks. This allowed salaries to increase without requiring more production and this impacted virtually all aspects of Greek life including the school system. In a socialist country performance is not measured because the objective is employment and not efficiency. Consequently the Greek school system hired more people to manage the system so now that system is overstaffed and employs four time more teachers per pupil than Finland who has the highest rated educational system in Europe. Not surprisingly the teachers, who are in fear of being discharged are hopelessly ineffective so now parents must hire private tutors for their children.

Greco-America
Does any of this sound familiar? Is America on a similar path to financial disaster? Consider the power of the unions who demand ever higher wages without increasing productivity and quality. Consider the educational system now dominated by unionized teachers who are turning out graduates who cannot read, who have no clue of history or geography. Consider the growing underclass supported by first one welfare program than another. Consider the large pensions and salaries being paid to public employees that far outstrip those of private industry. Consider the growing demand by the underclass for higher taxes on the rich to pay for their welfare system. Consider the growing interference by the government with private industry. All of these things are indications that our government is slipping inexorably into the financial quagmire that we find in Greece.